Not again, he thought as he was trying to stop the bleeding but she was losing too much blood too fast. Please, not again.
"Jaime?" she asked with a very low and rasped voice "They’re safe?"
She was asking about the knight and the squire. Stupid, brave woman. Always thinking in others intead of herself.
"Yes, they’re safe. You saved them" he lied. They couldn’t save them and now she’s dying. A little lie can’t hurt at this point.
Brienne just smiled. It’s so rare. She, smiling. “And I saved you”
And I couldn’t save you. No matter how many times he tried, she always dies.
"You shouldn’t have risked your life to save mine. Why save me, after all I done?" Jaime never asked her this before. Part of him wanted to know it and the other part was scared to know the truth.
"I can’t lose you t…" Jaime couldn’t hear the last part, she started convulse until finally she stopped and he knew she was gone. He hugged her tightly against his chest, crying like a little boy and screamed at the top of his lungs, more a lion’s roar that an human sound. How many times more I have to lose her?
I have to go back, and try again, and again until she have the life she deserves, he thought. The first time he went back he just wanted his swordhand back. He closed his eyes, playing over an over that moment in his head and when he opened them again, he had his hand back. After that, he went back over and over to try to save her, unsuccessfully. But how I can do it now? He went back all the times since he met her and … “Me” he said in a whisper. Because of me she ends over and over losing her life. For me! a shiver went down his spine. He knew now how to save her but to do it he have to lose her, forever.
Jaime kissed Brienne for the first and the last time. He closed his eyes and thought in the day he pushed Bran Stark through the tower. When he opened them again, he was there in the tower, with Cersei.